Saturday, 30 May 2009

I wrote this at the end ofmay but then hestated in posting it as i wondered if i should' keep these thoughts private but then thought what the heck...Do you remember when you used to think about various stages of your life and had a kind of idea as to how it would be at certain points? You know, kids getting bigger, maybe getting back to work? How sometimes small changes inevitably occur without you even noticing them at first?Ii've had a little preview of that over this last week and it's kind of overwhelmed me a little bit to be honest.
As most of you know here in the Madhouse there're enough bodies to ensure that we never have to be alone, to be honest the problem here is usually that there's nowhere for you to be alone even if you want to - apart from the throne that is and it's unlikely that ANYONE would want to follow them there, unless you're me of course and then the minute you sit to comtemplate for a while and then everyone and the dogs NEED your undivided attention immediately if not sooner, the joys of being mam eh? Lol!
Anyhoo, to get back on track, J has been away at his dads for a couple of weeks for some chilling time after exams, Young Master B is with his dad too, he always has great fun there. Little Miss and Nell have gone over to see Shrek for a few days as he has a new girlfriend and they've been having BBQs and doing archery together. I've found this a really difficult situation to deal with for a couple of reasons. I couldn't tell you the last time i was "home alone" for any amount of time, maybe an odd night here and there but no more than that. Having had 5 nights alone - apart from fur people of course - has made me realise that the far off days of peace and quiet with all children having fled the nest may well NOT be the papadise i'd envisaged. It has made me realise that without my kids i don't really have much of "a life". Almost everything revolves around them and their needs. I'm not saying this with any resentment, being a mam is what i do the best, but it set me to thinkin what will i do with myself when i don't have them to care for? I'm beginning to realise what people mean when they say that i need to get some interests of my own, seperately from them. I think this is the tip of the iceberg and it's going to take some serious thought and inward reflection as far as my future is concerned.
The other thing is the whole "moving on" thing. Shrek and i had spent almost 10 years together through good and bad. We knew that whilst we weren't able to live together due to a mix of his bi-polar and my Madhouse full of kids and dogs - which sure aint compatable with each other! - we've always managed to stay on good terms for the most part and neither of us has had anyone else. Now he has moved on and started a relationship with someone else i'm surprised how it's made me feel. Stupidly i'd not really thought about it too much, he always said that i'd find someone else first - like i have the time or opportunity! - and that was that. Now, i'm not angry or anything and i am genuinely happy for him but suddenly i feel very alone. ........

Saturday, 16 May 2009

Finally, I'm Back, or The Joys of Chewing Puppies Who Eat Computer Cables, Aagh!!.......

Well, how much have i missed! Sorry i've been absent for so long, we had a major trauma in the laptop dept, the (new) puppy ate the power cable, Aagh! What a nightmare! Don't you just love puppies??!!! Lol. yep, the latest addition to the Madhouse is a Belgian shepherd pup, named Sirius. The Harry Potter fans among you will know that Sirius Black is an animaegus who can transform into a black dog, which Sirius pup is, hence the name. Ho hum. Young master B was given him as a birthday gift by his daddy. We had his uncle and grandfather when we were together and it's nice to have a continuation of the family here again, he is SO like his uncle Pagan who i loved very dearly, right up until he passed to the dog playground in the sky last year at the ripe old age of 12. He was a wonderful companion and left us with a lot of happy memories. none of which involved a chewed power cable and no internet connection for the last few weeks i'd like to add! We don't have a desktop so we were snookered basically. We're back online now though so all's well that ends well.
How i've missed you all! To be honest being away has been a bit of an eye opener for me. I have found myself wondering how you've all been doing, i didn't realise how much i looked forward to catching up with everyones daily lives, all the little familiar things that make you all real people in my life, friends i've never met but missed during my enforced abscence. It's going to take me a while to catch up with you all but i'll be popping by to say hello and catch up over the next few days.
So, what's been happening in the Madhouse lately? Hmm, let me think....
We've had a couple of birthdays, Master B has reached double figures, i'm now 42 -eek!. Lee's 22 and has found his own place to live, good for him but sad for me as he's back in our hometown and living with his girlfriend Jo who's a nice lass that we've all known for years. It's lovely to see him happy and settled, it eases the separation a little. J's sitting his As levels over the next couple of weeks, he's already done a few and his last exam is on the 21st. He's been working really hard so i'm sure he'll be fine, i remember the horrible pre exam nervous tummy even if it was more years ago than i'd like to count! Nell's looking forward to a trip away during the half term, an outward bound adventure type of thing, i'm not too sure if her "scene" hair and eye liner'll stand up to that kind of test though, hehe. K and R've also had a new addition to their household, Sirius's brother, Raven which means they're up to their eyeballs in puppy chewing and minefield dodging too. At least we can get them together and wear each other out regularly - which we need even more than they do! I'd forgotten just how much havoc one little furball can cause, poor Gypsy and Tyson're sprouting more grey hairs by the second! Gyps is nearing the end of her journey now, she has a tumour that will start to cause her discomfort at some point, the vet has promised that he'll let us know before that starts to happen so we can do the decent thing by her. For now she's fine, just a grumpy smelly old dog who likes to snooze on her favourite chair or in the spot that has the most sunlight, depending which is warmer. Tyson seems to be wary of the pups, he doesn't like the needle teeth that bite back when he plays with them too much i think.
We've also aquired a baby guinea pig called Twilight - Cullen fans anyone?- for Little Miss as a kind of "not having your own puppy but being given a little something to be responsible for" thing, like we don't have enough things to feed and be responsible for! I'm sure the walls of the Madhouse are actually made of elastic, no matter how full we think we are there's always room for more. I do think we're going to have to put up a No Vacancies sign up soon though!
This is turning out to be a bit of a waffle so i'm going to sign off for now and (hopefully) catch up a little more tomorrow. It's really nice to be back, my fingers're just starting to type properly again! I'll say goodnight to you all, until tomorrow then...................................