Happy Hippy Madhouse.....

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hosptial room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine v...

It sure has! There's been so much happened, when i looked back over my posts it almost seems like another lifetime ago. I'm not even going to attempt to fill you all in on the last years events, suffice to say i find myself in a very different place than i was then. The kids're well, grown - lots! - and happy. J has finished 6th form having sat his last exam last month. He then went away to Turkey with Amy for a week as she'd finished her exams too and had a wonderful time by all accounts. We get his results in august and all being well he'll be starting Uni in september. Leaving for good, eek! Nell's just finished her G.C.S.E.s and again, dependant on results, she's off to 6th form in September too. Young Master B has finished primary school and starts high school in sept so it's been a lot of changes here in the madhouse. Three endings and new beginings to look forward too, soon. Little Miss has grown, she's healthy and happy,still 9...

I wrote this at the end ofmay but then hestated in posting it as i wondered if i should' keep these thoughts private but then thought what the heck...Do you remember when you used to think about various stages of your life and had a kind of idea as to how it would be at certain points? You know, kids getting bigger, maybe getting back to work? How sometimes small changes inevitably occur without you even noticing them at first?Ii've had a little preview of that over this last week and it's kind of overwhelmed me a little bit to be honest. As most of you know here in the Madhouse there're enough bodies to ensure that we never have to be alone, to be honest the problem here is usually that there's nowhere for you to be alone even if you want to - apart from the throne that is and it's unlikely that ANYONE would want to follow them there, unless you're me of course and then the minute you sit to comtemplate for a while and then everyone and the dogs NEED your u...

Well, how much have i missed! Sorry i've been absent for so long, we had a major trauma in the laptop dept, the (new) puppy ate the power cable, Aagh! What a nightmare! Don't you just love puppies??!!! Lol. yep, the latest addition to the Madhouse is a Belgian shepherd pup, named Sirius. The Harry Potter fans among you will know that Sirius Black is an animaegus who can transform into a black dog, which Sirius pup is, hence the name. Ho hum. Young master B was given him as a birthday gift by his daddy. We had his uncle and grandfather when we were together and it's nice to have a continuation of the family here again, he is SO like his uncle Pagan who i loved very dearly, right up until he passed to the dog playground in the sky last year at the ripe old age of 12. He was a wonderful companion and left us with a lot of happy memories. none of which involved a chewed power cable and no internet connection for the last few weeks i'd like to add! We don't have a deskto...

Hi all, sincere apologies for my abscence over the last month, i was just so tired, run down and fed up i decided to take a little time out for me. However i'm back now and feeling great so hopefully it's back to normal - well, as 'normal' as it ever gets here in the madhouse anyway!!! To be honest there hasn't been much excitment to speak of, two more of my babies have had birthdays, Kayleigh is now 23 (eek! How did that happen?) and young master B has turned 10 on friday. Double figures no less! Where is the time going? How can my babies be this old already? How did i get to almost 42? It's incredible to think that they're all growing up so quickly. They are my pride and joy, my life would mean nothing without them. it makes me sit up and think they're growing sooo fast, even my babies aren't babies anymore. I need to get myself back on track and start to spend quality time with them. it's far too easy to let the days pass in a blur of life,...

Hi all, i'm sorry it's been a while but i've been quite ill. You remember that i was ill before xmas? Well, this made that seem like a walk in the park. I've had another chest infection but this time it's been so bad that i had to take steroids and anti biotics together. The doc has seen me and at one point wanted me to go into hospital which i really didn't want to and it was only my promises of absolute rest and doing nothing that kept me home. If i'm no better by tomorrow i have to go back but that's not going to happen. I've been a good girl for the most part, poorLlittle Miss R has missed out on a couple of days out 'cos i've not been well enough to take her. Master B is at his daddys again so luckily for him he's had fun. Luckily we've has her friend Sophie here for two nights sleepover so that's kept her a bit entertained. I feel bad when the kids're stuck in when i'm ill but there was really no way i could've g...

i read a beautiful post by Wendy over at Hedge and Hearth about our Crone years. It really made me stop and think about where i'm at in my life. In some ways i'm not going to be there for a while, my youngest babe will be 8 next week so i've a good few 'Mother' years ahead of me yet in that respect, however at the other end of the scale my oldest babe will be 23 in march so i've been doing this job for a while now! I used to think that these terms were literal, you're a mother until your babes are grown, whilst you can still bear children you couldn't become crone. So how does that work now? I 've not reached menopause yet but i can no longer bear children, so does that make me Crone? Confusing eh? When i first started along this path i thought everything was clear cut in definable chunks (how little did i know then?) Now i can see that there as many pathways as people to walk them and nothing is written in stone. I don't believe in a dividing li...

I'm not american, but i do feel american politics affect my life over here in the U.K. I, as a general rule, don't watch tv, only listen to the news on the radio and have a general allergy to politics and all the lies that spew from that area of our lives, whether we support the policies/politicians/party or nay. Yesterday, however, i decided to turn on the tv to witness this historic moment in world history. As I listened to this man, saw the incredible crowd, the hope shining on everyones faces i have to admit, i felt optimistic too. a little glimmer of hope slowly began to flicker inside me. I know that politicians are well versed in the art of speaking for a long time without having much to say, it comes with the territory. Despite this, however, this man had a lot to say. He didn't put a whitewash over it, he said that times were going to be tough before they got better. There were very little rose covered titbits given out to sugarcoat the truth, it's going to be ...

I visited the lovely Aimees' blog (CageFree Family) today and was once again struck by the generosity and just general kindness of ordinary people. They've had a run of poor luck over the last couple of weeks and found themselves stuck in a hotel for a few days as the heater on their Rv has gone on strike. She was feeling a bit sorry for herself with all the holdups and everything, not to mention the pain she was in caused by trying to be supermam. So out they trudged, also feeling a little concern with regards to their bank balance. So, they decided to do a bit of shopping at whole foods as for xmas they recieved a $400 voucher for that shop. However, on entering the shop they didn't grab a trolley and do a supermarket sweep in 5 mins flat, instead they decided to donate their gift to the charity. All of it. Despite their concern regarding their own finances, the fact that they could've easily found useful purchases for this amount and they don't have a re...

I don't usually 'do' new year resolutions - it's like (potentially) setting yourself up to fail before the months out, which doesn't bode well for the year, in my case anyway - so i've made a few promises or list of aims of things that i want to achieve - or stop! - this year. Since i've been disabled i 've found myself on a number of occasions making plans to do something or go somewhere only for this to be prevented by my back being bad on that day. It's so infuriating! The thing is that often there's no warning, one day i'm up and pottering about, albeit slowly, then the next Bam! back to bed for you madam. I've lost count of the number of plans that have gone out of the window due to me being unable to get out of bed, Grr. The kids're so good about it, they understand about mammys back, it's been nearly 5 years now so it's all the two youngest have ever known really, but of course sometimes we do get tears of disappointmen...

So, it's been and gone. No more worrying about it for another 300 or so days. What a relief. i'm sat here, it's 11.35pm, alone in the house - well, apart from two fur people that is. Why? You may well ask? The honest answer is that my kids have more of a social life than me! J and N have gone to a party, R is with daddy, B is in spain, K, C and L are all having a drink at her house and i'm sat here alone, Billy no mates! I could've gone to Ks house but my next door neighbours're having a party which would cause my dogs to make a terrible noise if i went out. To be honest it's quite nice. Everyone seemed happy with their lot, dinner turned out well, even the rotting bird carcass that is intergral to the celebrations apparently. The joys of having adult kids, they know what they want to eat. Usually we get along fine eating my vegan choices but at this time of year i relent and prepare them the meat, it's their holiday too after all. My darling daughter...

I've just had a very sobering experience that made me sit up and realise how very little i have to complain about in my life. I was driving home from dropping R off with daddy for her xmas sleepover. I was feeling quite down, B is away in spain and R not being here overnight was making me feel sorry for myself. As i drove down the road i saw something that made me realise just how stupid my self pity actually was. Flashing blue lights, police cars, ambulances and two cars, one half the length it should be whilst the other was upside down on the wrong side of the road, personal effects scattered across the road. I don't know who these people are, i know nothing about them. All i can think about is how do you tell someone something like that? They could've been out doing their last gift delivery, almost home for the holidays? Collecting their little ones - or dropping them off - planning a bubbly bath and snuggle before tucking them up excited in bed. I can't inagine the ...

Hello, i'm back. It's been a rough couple of weeks. i've has a major chest infection and been really under the weather with it. The down side of this being i've been so behind with all the shopping, it comes to something when there's not a tin of beans in the house. To be honest it scared me a bit, i haven't been this ill for years and when you're a single mam - or even if you're not - it's a worry how to keep the house running and everything ticking over when you can't even lift your head off the pillow. If it hadn't been for my beautiful daughter Kayleigh i would've been in serious trouble. Thank the Goddess for her, she's been out, done all my gift buying AND food shopping, as well as her own housework, shopping etc. She really is a blessing to me. I'm finally feeling better today, it's the first day when i haven't had to go back to bed. It's taken me all day to just clean the sitting room, i ask you! It's so...

For any of you who wondered what decision i came to, i said no. They weren't allowed to sleep together. On friday J,N,A ( his girlfriend) and two of his mates all crashed in the living room watching movies until stupid o'clock. Stepping over festering teenagers the next mrning was less than pleasant -not to mention funky-Pheww! Sat the boys were in J's room n A slept in R's bed. There was much pulling of the face at first but when i took her to the station to go home they both admitted that they'd had fun anyway and the not sleeping together hadn't been the hardship that they thought it might've been. I was so relieved. when i'd picked her up from the station i'd told her the house rules, hugging and kissing (within reason) not a problem but they weren't to have sex in my home or there'd not be another visit, J wasn't happy i'd said that to her but as i pointed out to him - and her - if they're big enough to think about having s...

I'm not sure where all the time's going recently. I seem to be up for hours doing a great impression of a headless chicken (running around in circles with no real sense of direction), tiring myself out but at the end of the day not having an awful lot to show for it! Smalls have been mithering the life out of me for days now to put the decorations up, i suppose i'd better put up my hands now and admit straight out, I HATE XMAS!!! Always have and likely always will. Even as a kid i can remember getting a knot in my stomach whenever i thought about it. From a young age i can remember my mam stressing about xmas. We were a big family on one not big wage and i knew from being little that it was a hard time. For one reason or another we didn't have any contact with our extended family, it was us kids, mam and dad. My dad was first a miner -until they closed the pits down that was. He then worked for british steel - until the bottom fell out of the steel industry too, Margare...

It seems to me that the times when i have the most to say are the times when i can't get near to the blinking 'pute to do it! We've got J's new girlfriend coming to stay this w/end so we're up the wall with making up beds etc. He's sulking 'cos i've said that she can't sleep in his room but there's no way that i'm going to let that happen, he's 16 but she's only 15. Her mam is letting her travel across the country alone on the train, i was a nervous wreck when J did it but i don't think i could let my young daughter do it, why is that? Why do we feel that our girls need more protecting than our boys? By 'we' here i'm refering to we as a society as oppossed to we just the people here. Am i wrong here? Should i let her stay in his room? He's allowed to stay in her room there so maybe i'm being old fashioned - a term thrown at me regularly by my teens? Just because i'm a liberal parent and allow my kids to exp...

I'm going down to my mams this weekend. Usually it's for family occasions etc but this time it's not. It would've been - should've infact - but as i've said many times, untill people are sick of hearing it more than likely! - life is what happens to you whilst you're busy making other plans (John Lennon, Beautiful boy). In fact this song is very apt as it's the song i played ay my sons funeral. He would be 18 0n sunday 23rd, hence the trip down to my parents, he's memorial stone is there. I don't go there all the time, i do know that he's not lay under some cold stone in a little corner of a church but this year i feel like i should make more of a recognition than i usually do. Stupid maybe? I don't know. This time of year always makes me feel down anyway, before John died even, i've had s.a.d.s for years but as these two dates creep round i can feel myself hiding away. It's almost like a retreat, i start to go down in the weeks l...

So, it's sunday again, did i get my act together? Did i 'eck! I was so tired that i did something i haven't done since well, who knows when.I had a lie in. Till nearly midday! L got up with R and sat through cars and bratz with her and left me abed! How kind is my son? wonderful! My youngest little man was still abed with me- asleep! That's my boy! We went to bed early, full of good intentions (on my part anyway), R was flat out on the chair so L said he'd carry her up for me, off to bed we went. Ahh, lovely and tucked up, some film on - that fab i can't even remember what it was -when up came L with the girl. He crawled over the bed to put her next to me, laid her down, B put his arm over her at which point she punched him in the eye. Whoops! That wasn't going to help my early night plans one little bit. As you can imagine the B siren went off, followed by R's 'cos he pushed her. She didn't want him to touch her, he wanted to cuddle up and so on...

It's saturday - again -! and i'm no further on with this whole de cluttering lark. It's shocking how much time i'm spending on here really, i love flitting from page to page, it feels like i'm with friends even though i'm alone somehow. I keep telling myself that i'll feel much better when i've got rid of most of the c**p but to be honest it's so overwhelming that i don't know where to start.No matter how organised i promise myselk i'm going to be it ends up me thinking 'aww, i remember when he/she wore/played with/ was bought for/by and then i've lost, it only takes the one thing. I really need someone who's ruthless to bully me into getting rid of things or, even better maybe, chucking the whole lot out while i'm elsewhere. Ho hum, i'm going to really try this week and get some of it done at least. **sigh** Our quandry with regards to the whole h.s. thing is no closer to resolution. R has taken it upon herself to keep as...

Do you ever think that someones stood somewhere just off camera who's got a different script to the one you're following and who's laughing at your confusion? I kind of had that feeling today. I plucked up the courage to speak to R's dad abut homeschooling her. I presented a pretty convincing case and to my surprise he said it was a good idea, i was more than intelligent enough to do it - you could've knocked me down with a feather at this point!! my memory has been knocked to hell by the medication i have to take to allow me to function and get through the day- and that he would support me 100%! Brilliant !! When i'd come round and could speak coherently again (2 strong sweet cups of tea and the smelling salts helped tremendously!) we chatted for a little while briefly going over what our priorities would be with regards to her education, which methods we would use and how long we'd give it to make sure that it really was the best way forward for our daught...