Happy Hippy Madhouse.....

So, it's been and gone. No more worrying about it for another 300 or so days. What a relief. i'm sat here, it's 11.35pm, alone in the house - well, apart from two fur people that is. Why? You may well ask? The honest answer is that my kids have more of a social life than me! J and N have gone to a party, R is with daddy, B is in spain, K, C and L are all having a drink at her house and i'm sat here alone, Billy no mates! I could've gone to Ks house but my next door neighbours're having a party which would cause my dogs to make a terrible noise if i went out. To be honest it's quite nice. Everyone seemed happy with their lot, dinner turned out well, even the rotting bird carcass that is intergral to the celebrations apparently. The joys of having adult kids, they know what they want to eat. Usually we get along fine eating my vegan choices but at this time of year i relent and prepare them the meat, it's their holiday too after all. My darling daughter...

I've just had a very sobering experience that made me sit up and realise how very little i have to complain about in my life. I was driving home from dropping R off with daddy for her xmas sleepover. I was feeling quite down, B is away in spain and R not being here overnight was making me feel sorry for myself. As i drove down the road i saw something that made me realise just how stupid my self pity actually was. Flashing blue lights, police cars, ambulances and two cars, one half the length it should be whilst the other was upside down on the wrong side of the road, personal effects scattered across the road. I don't know who these people are, i know nothing about them. All i can think about is how do you tell someone something like that? They could've been out doing their last gift delivery, almost home for the holidays? Collecting their little ones - or dropping them off - planning a bubbly bath and snuggle before tucking them up excited in bed. I can't inagine the ...

Hello, i'm back. It's been a rough couple of weeks. i've has a major chest infection and been really under the weather with it. The down side of this being i've been so behind with all the shopping, it comes to something when there's not a tin of beans in the house. To be honest it scared me a bit, i haven't been this ill for years and when you're a single mam - or even if you're not - it's a worry how to keep the house running and everything ticking over when you can't even lift your head off the pillow. If it hadn't been for my beautiful daughter Kayleigh i would've been in serious trouble. Thank the Goddess for her, she's been out, done all my gift buying AND food shopping, as well as her own housework, shopping etc. She really is a blessing to me. I'm finally feeling better today, it's the first day when i haven't had to go back to bed. It's taken me all day to just clean the sitting room, i ask you! It's so...

For any of you who wondered what decision i came to, i said no. They weren't allowed to sleep together. On friday J,N,A ( his girlfriend) and two of his mates all crashed in the living room watching movies until stupid o'clock. Stepping over festering teenagers the next mrning was less than pleasant -not to mention funky-Pheww! Sat the boys were in J's room n A slept in R's bed. There was much pulling of the face at first but when i took her to the station to go home they both admitted that they'd had fun anyway and the not sleeping together hadn't been the hardship that they thought it might've been. I was so relieved. when i'd picked her up from the station i'd told her the house rules, hugging and kissing (within reason) not a problem but they weren't to have sex in my home or there'd not be another visit, J wasn't happy i'd said that to her but as i pointed out to him - and her - if they're big enough to think about having s...

I'm not sure where all the time's going recently. I seem to be up for hours doing a great impression of a headless chicken (running around in circles with no real sense of direction), tiring myself out but at the end of the day not having an awful lot to show for it! Smalls have been mithering the life out of me for days now to put the decorations up, i suppose i'd better put up my hands now and admit straight out, I HATE XMAS!!! Always have and likely always will. Even as a kid i can remember getting a knot in my stomach whenever i thought about it. From a young age i can remember my mam stressing about xmas. We were a big family on one not big wage and i knew from being little that it was a hard time. For one reason or another we didn't have any contact with our extended family, it was us kids, mam and dad. My dad was first a miner -until they closed the pits down that was. He then worked for british steel - until the bottom fell out of the steel industry too, Margare...

It seems to me that the times when i have the most to say are the times when i can't get near to the blinking 'pute to do it! We've got J's new girlfriend coming to stay this w/end so we're up the wall with making up beds etc. He's sulking 'cos i've said that she can't sleep in his room but there's no way that i'm going to let that happen, he's 16 but she's only 15. Her mam is letting her travel across the country alone on the train, i was a nervous wreck when J did it but i don't think i could let my young daughter do it, why is that? Why do we feel that our girls need more protecting than our boys? By 'we' here i'm refering to we as a society as oppossed to we just the people here. Am i wrong here? Should i let her stay in his room? He's allowed to stay in her room there so maybe i'm being old fashioned - a term thrown at me regularly by my teens? Just because i'm a liberal parent and allow my kids to exp...

I'm going down to my mams this weekend. Usually it's for family occasions etc but this time it's not. It would've been - should've infact - but as i've said many times, untill people are sick of hearing it more than likely! - life is what happens to you whilst you're busy making other plans (John Lennon, Beautiful boy). In fact this song is very apt as it's the song i played ay my sons funeral. He would be 18 0n sunday 23rd, hence the trip down to my parents, he's memorial stone is there. I don't go there all the time, i do know that he's not lay under some cold stone in a little corner of a church but this year i feel like i should make more of a recognition than i usually do. Stupid maybe? I don't know. This time of year always makes me feel down anyway, before John died even, i've had s.a.d.s for years but as these two dates creep round i can feel myself hiding away. It's almost like a retreat, i start to go down in the weeks l...