Friday, 26 December 2008


So, it's been and gone. No more worrying about it for another 300 or so days. What a relief. i'm sat here, it's 11.35pm, alone in the house - well, apart from two fur people that is. Why? You may well ask? The honest answer is that my kids have more of a social life than me! J and N have gone to a party, R is with daddy, B is in spain, K, C and L are all having a drink at her house and i'm sat here alone, Billy no mates! I could've gone to Ks house but my next door neighbours're having a party which would cause my dogs to make a terrible noise if i went out.

To be honest it's quite nice. Everyone seemed happy with their lot, dinner turned out well, even the rotting bird carcass that is intergral to the celebrations apparently. The joys of having adult kids, they know what they want to eat. Usually we get along fine eating my vegan choices but at this time of year i relent and prepare them the meat, it's their holiday too after all. My darling daughter K was thinking on her feet when she did my shopping, she got me a bone free piece of meat that just needed wrapped and slowly cremated so that i didn't have to stick my hand up its bum or anything - now that WOULD be above and beyond the call of duty! - which made the whole process relatively painfree - for me at least, dunno about the poor bird mind, i don't even want to start thinking about that side of things. The plates were piled high with all manner of good things and we all sat together and it was a lovely part of the day - the bonus being that i didn't have to wash up as i'd cooked! Yipee! Did i mention my allergy to domestic duties? No? Well, i did now! Lol!

So, it's the night after xmas, i'm alone and remarkably at peace. The year has had highs and lows, as always but i feel that this year more so than the previous 4 or 5 there have been more highs than lows. Our situation is improving all the time, i'm learning to accept the changes as they happen and am finally allowing myself to realise that the world isn't going to end just because i can't be the bohemian wild child that i used to be anymore (surely i mean woman here? You get my drift tho') and have learned to accept my limitations instead of fighting them. It's a battle i can't win if i look at it in those terms, instead i've started to listen to my body a bit more and look at what i CAN do instead. Whatever the case, all i can do is try my best and see how it goes.

I wasn't planning to get all deep and meaningful tonight, i've got a rare chance to sleep alone (barring the dogs) in my bed and i'm going to take FULL advantage of the duvet hogging opportunities that the current situation allows. I'll get all spiritual and soul searching on you another night instead! Brightest Blessings to you all, and with that i'm off to bed!..........................

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Counting my blessings......

I've just had a very sobering experience that made me sit up and realise how very little i have to complain about in my life. I was driving home from dropping R off with daddy for her xmas sleepover. I was feeling quite down, B is away in spain and R not being here overnight was making me feel sorry for myself.

As i drove down the road i saw something that made me realise just how stupid my self pity actually was. Flashing blue lights, police cars, ambulances and two cars, one half the length it should be whilst the other was upside down on the wrong side of the road, personal effects scattered across the road. I don't know who these people are, i know nothing about them. All i can think about is how do you tell someone something like that? They could've been out doing their last gift delivery, almost home for the holidays? Collecting their little ones - or dropping them off - planning a bubbly bath and snuggle before tucking them up excited in bed.

I can't inagine the sadness that these families face, the pain when joy was what was expected. It made me realise how stupid and petty my 'problems' are. So my youngest kids aren't sleeping here tonight, they're safe, well and with people who love them. Instead of going to bed feeling sorry for myself i'm going to have my bath, light a candle and give thanks for the many blessings that i do have. It's just sad that it took someone elses tragedy to make me open up my eyes and give thanks for all the blessings in my life.

Brightest Blessings to you all, wishing you peace, love, health and happiness both now and throughout the whole year too....................

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

I'm back...

Hello, i'm back. It's been a rough couple of weeks. i've has a major chest infection and been really under the weather with it. The down side of this being i've been so behind with all the shopping, it comes to something when there's not a tin of beans in the house. To be honest it scared me a bit, i haven't been this ill for years and when you're a single mam - or even if you're not - it's a worry how to keep the house running and everything ticking over when you can't even lift your head off the pillow. If it hadn't been for my beautiful daughter Kayleigh i would've been in serious trouble. Thank the Goddess for her, she's been out, done all my gift buying AND food shopping, as well as her own housework, shopping etc. She really is a blessing to me.

I'm finally feeling better today, it's the first day when i haven't had to go back to bed. It's taken me all day to just clean the sitting room, i ask you! It's soo infuriating, i feel as week as a kitten. Hopefully now everything is done - well, if it isn't done now it's just tough! I've got 5 of my 6 kids here now, K n C went down to my mams and did the gift giving and card exchanging for me. J and N were at their dads and L had been down there for a couple of weeks so yet again my beautiful daughter saved the day as she brought them back up here for me.

Does anyone else feel only half alive without their children around? Maybe i'm being a little dramatic but i do actually feel like i'm missing something, a part of me, when they're not here. Even though i've been fit for nothing these last couple of weeks and they needed to visit their family before xmas i feel sad when they're not around. Tonight i'll go to bed with most of my kids under my roof or a heartbeat away, apart from sweet B, he's in spain with his daddy. Lovely for him, terrible for me. they fly back on the 28th (i think, or late on the 27th). It wont be soon enough for me, although he was so excited, bless him, such an adventure.

I know this isn't up to my usual epic proportions, i'm tired still. i'd just like to thank the gentle Ariad for worrying about me, bless you and thank everyone else for their kind words.

As you all know, i'm no techno buff so i don't know how to create links, i would however like to point you towards Cage Free families blog and watch the video and read the post that accompanies it. You might be able to find your way there through my sidebar, i hope so anyway. She says a lot that NEEDS to be said about this crazy world we live in.

that's me done for now, Brightest Blessings to you all, health, peace and happiness to everyone you hold dear .....

Saturday, 6 December 2008

Just a quick update regarding my problem last week...

For any of you who wondered what decision i came to, i said no. They weren't allowed to sleep together. On friday J,N,A ( his girlfriend) and two of his mates all crashed in the living room watching movies until stupid o'clock. Stepping over festering teenagers the next mrning was less than pleasant -not to mention funky-Pheww! Sat the boys were in J's room n A slept in R's bed. There was much pulling of the face at first but when i took her to the station to go home they both admitted that they'd had fun anyway and the not sleeping together hadn't been the hardship that they thought it might've been. I was so relieved. when i'd picked her up from the station i'd told her the house rules, hugging and kissing (within reason) not a problem but they weren't to have sex in my home or there'd not be another visit, J wasn't happy i'd said that to her but as i pointed out to him - and her - if they're big enough to think about having sex then they're big enough for me to speak to them about it. They also got the contraception talk too.

Ifeel that the weekend actually went better because i'd made the rules clear. It's my home and my rules, it's very rare i take a stand on anything so i think the fact that i did told them that i was deadly serious. all of you kind people who took the time to share their thought, thankyou so much, i really appreciated it...

Thursday, 4 December 2008

Bah Humbug!

I'm not sure where all the time's going recently. I seem to be up for hours doing a great impression of a headless chicken (running around in circles with no real sense of direction), tiring myself out but at the end of the day not having an awful lot to show for it!

Smalls have been mithering the life out of me for days now to put the decorations up, i suppose i'd better put up my hands now and admit straight out, I HATE XMAS!!! Always have and likely always will. Even as a kid i can remember getting a knot in my stomach whenever i thought about it. From a young age i can remember my mam stressing about xmas. We were a big family on one not big wage and i knew from being little that it was a hard time. For one reason or another we didn't have any contact with our extended family, it was us kids, mam and dad. My dad was first a miner -until they closed the pits down that was. He then worked for british steel - until the bottom fell out of the steel industry too, Margaret Thatcher was not a popular politician in our household. One year when my dad was out of work i can remember lying awake listening to mam and dad talking about ways to stretch the little money around the lots of us. we didn't ask for big presents, we knew how things were and were glad for what we got.

I don't remember it being as bad then as it is today, am i the only one who thinks that it's getting worse each year? The prices are just ridiculous. £100 per child goes nowhere - Ha! - like i have that to spend, everything is just so expensive, i don't know where to start. I hate, hate, hate it. I really do feel sorry for the kids, if they don't get the super brain musher 3,000 other kids make fun, the one they got 6 months ago for their birthday is out of date. even the dolls are like £40 a go. It's just absolutely appalling. The adverts on the tv are just brilliant, they make me want to have some of the toys! Butterscotch the pony or something like that is something like £250! For a toy! What?!!! I would've died to get my hands on that when i was a kid, i loved all things horsey and would've traded my soul for a horse of my own. No wonder more people crack up at this time of year than any other. It's enough to make anyone depressed.

The amount of money wasted on material things at this time of the year is disgusting isn't it? We throw money away without a second thought, all the uneccesary extras, crackers, tinsel, flashy things, baubles, a new tree every couple of years whilst the other 27 that we've got bored of lie in landfill for the next million years or so. why do we feel the need to spend all this money? Why do we have to have more lights, a bigger turkey, more food and the most expensive wine? Then spend the next year working all the hours under the sun to pay it off, ignoring our kids and becoming a stranger to everyone we know? Just to start again next year? It's the biggest con ever. Meanwhile, whilst half the 'civilised' world is gorging itself into a heart attack the other half is slowly starving to death. This is one of the things that i find the most disturbing. Whilst our country grinds to a halt and nearly everyone goes on a two day gorge fest there are mams holding their dying kids for the lack of basic rights, water and food. How do so many people ignore these things and act likt they don't know or care? I know one person can't fix the world but if every one person did just one thing to help then perhaps this world would be a better place to live in.

i know there are lots of other mams - and dads too - who are realising that things are going to have to change but if we all wait until everyone else decides to do something about it then it's sadly going to be too late. Our kids need to be aware of the plight of families far away, living through warfare and famine. No matter how poor we in this western society are reckoned to be, living on state benefits, driving 2nd (or 7th) hand cars, living in rented accomodation we are not poor. we have a home, food, electric or some other form of energy and we are rich. Rich in that our families are healthy and well, our kids are free to be whatever they aspire to be, they are allowed to be young and free. For many families this is not an option. All they can hope for is food tomorrow andto live another day. Is that really living though? Or just existing?

So,what i'm trying to say here, in my usual rambling fashion, is the next time we worry that we haven't got x, y or z, STOP! THINK! Not just at xmas but all year round. when we worry 'cos we can't buy exactly what we want, when we're on stew again for tea 'cos money's tight, when we flick over the channels on tv 'cos there's nothing on, when we log on to our computers to chat with friends half way around the world, REMEMBER, there are people dying of hunger whilst we moan 'cos fuel has gone up by 3p or whatever. I know most of the people on here do have a social conscience, most of us do try and do something , however small, to make our world a better place to live in. I'm as guilty as the rest, i hate xmas 'cos i'm afraid the kids won't get enough, i worry when they want something that i struggle to give. I feel guilty if my kid can't have a new pair of trainers when his old ones still fit. My kids're blessed! We have the riches of kings! A warm home, food, clothes and the love both of each other and those around us. Who cares if Sonys profits falls by £3 million? Not me. Who cares if we can't get an x box? not me. I wouldn't want to swap what we have got and can afford for all the world. I and my family are blessed, you and yours are too. We should continue to lead by example and show people that there is another way. Who knows maybe some people might pay attention and listen. They might even be inspired to do something about it. Wouldn't that be the greatest xmas gift of all?.....