How wrong was i? !!!....

For the longest time my kids pestered the life out of me to get a computer. I said on more occasions than i'd like to count that we didn't need one and i couldn't afford one anyway. Around Yule aol did an offer that if we signed up for 18 months then we got a free laptop, so relented and off we went, onto that amazing journey that is the .www. I have to say i was absolutely WRONG!!! I LOVE it!!!

I'm a single parent and have been disabled for the last 4 years, also i live quite a distance from my family. This means that i don't get out as much as i used too, sometimes having periods when i can't even get out of bed. Prior to my disability we were hardly ever at home, we live in the countryside in a tiny little village and to make it even better we're only a couple of miles from the coast. We used to have great fun, the world was our oyster. After i became ill all of this stopped, it's only this year that i've had the courage to try things again, i think i was ashamed of the way i look now and didn't want people to see me being unable to take care of everything by myself when i'd always been fiercely independant. I thought that my kids were my responsibility alone, if we didn't rely on anyone else then no one could let us down. I'd dealt with unreliable dads(some worse than others) who'd upset them by letting them down with arrangements and promises. So it was that we went from that to a situation where i had to rely totally on other people for almost all aspects of care, for both the kids and myself. I've had carers coming in twice a day for four years now, it's taken me quite a long time to deal with my new situation but i really do feel that i'm getting there.

One of the things that has really helped me, that wouldn't have entered my mind in a hundred years, is the internet. Whilst i still spend a lot of my time alone i no longer feel isolated and apart from everyone else, at the flick of a button i can see and enjoy the different lives of so many other mams from all over the world. I found flickr by way of Lucy at 'by other means' one click and i was away, so many inspiring women all so very different yet so alike. My kids are totally amazed by how much i enjoy the internet without going on the sites that they love so much. It's made a real difference to my life, finding people who think, have similar interests and aspirations as me. As you might imagine living in a small rural community that is quite close knit i do differ quite a lot from most of the other people who live here. For the most part people were ok, i think that i was a bit of an oddity, tribe of kids, purple haired, hippy with no man in the house and the real cruncher, someone wasn't born there, a stranger to their community who had some very different attitudes towards life and childrearing than was the custom here. As i'd moved to such a small community i soon found that they were more conservative in their veiws, the pace of life somewhat slower than had been the case in towns that we'd lived in before, despite all this the kids made friends pretty quickly and most of them wanted to spend time in my house where it was often tea for ten or whatever. 'Open house' wasn't common here before i came along but to be fair a few other mams now have much more relaxed attitudes with regards to child play.I have made a couple of really good friends here who were -and still are- just so incredible and supportive when my problems started, i can honestly say that if it wasn't for them then my kids would've most likely ended up in foster care during the time i was hospitalised and after the surgeries. True friends are worth their weight in gold and are few and far between, i love them dearly and could never repay the debt of gratitude that i owe them, not that they would ever expect me too.

The winter is all but upon us which means even more time indoors, get those curtains drawn and the fire stoked up! Loads of time in the evening for crafty things to do, hopefully some good books to read and time cuddled up in mammys bed watching videos whilest it's freezing outside. To be honest i enjoy the computer so much that i often take it upstairs to bed and surf while the kids watch a film, shocking i know! I look forward to logging on just to see if i've had a comment, how sad is that? In a bizzare way i feel that by seeing what lots of other mams are doing i can kind of enjoy things by proxy. Majikfaerie has had soo many adventures, Cage free family are inspiring in so many ways and the lovely Ariad at Rainbow farm is such a gentle soul. Karisma has the same sense of humour as me, Lucy at 'by other means' started me off and my name twin Sarah P at knitting the wind enthralls me too, in fact everyone seems to be so warm and welcoming. I know i haven't been around long but really what it boils down to is that despite what i said to my kids the internet it really is a wonderful thing and also THANKYOU to everyone for sharing their lives with me and who takes the time to read the things that i have to say, even if it's someties waffling drivel! Thankyou so much, i look forward to sharing many more of your lives adventures with you....

Comments

karisma said…
Oh yes! I must admit, it is quite addictive! LOL! I go through phases of being online quite a bit and then trying to go outside for a few days! Being stuck inside is really not good for me, I need to commune with the earth and see the sky or I go nuts! I must admit though I have days like yours, tucked in bed with the kids watching movies, its so nice on a lazy day!

I have also made so many new friends through blogging and consider them to be keepers! Looking forward to getting to know you better as well!

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