Head like a sieve!
T be fair whilest i'm selfishly doing a jig in celebration of his return it was in fact a very hard time for him. He had split up with his girlfriend and had no where to live so he came home to his Mam, it was sad 'cos he'd had to give up his job which he loved and had been in for 5 years and enjoyed. The job situation being what it is he struggled to get another but has finally found something that he seems to enjoy. I f course wish that he hadn't had to go through the heartache at the time but would be a liar if i didn't admit to being over the moon that he's back with me.
It hasn't been the easiest of times, he's not lived in the madhouse for 5 years and has had to get used to the general uproar that is us, he has needed some quiet time alone to think which isn't the easiest of things to manage but we're doing ok. I feel that he struggles with the Smalls sometimes as he'd forgotten how hectic it can be, he's used to coming in and relaxing in peace - not that he gets that opportunity here!- and the fact that he can't have total control of the t.v. either. I don't like it on much to be honest but i did make a concession and alow him to have the sports channels on as he's an avid football fan; personally i'd rather watch paint dry but each to their own eh? If it helps him settle then it's worth it.
It amazes me when people say "i bet you can't wait for them all to grow up and leave..." WHY would i want that? They're my children and of course i want them to grow and be happy, see the world, have fun, learn , love and laugh but why would that make me want to chase them out of the door as soon as they're old enough for me to legally do so? They're MY children, i love them and am responsible for them until the day i die. That doesn't mean thet i need to rule their lives or keep them on a short leash, far from it, but if they ever need me then i'll always try to help and support them to the best of my ability. For your child to want to go and explore the big wild world says to me that you've done your job well. They're secure in the knowledge that they CAN take care of themselves and also that if needs be there will always be a place here for them should they need it. What do you think? Is this the case?
I know that when i left home at 18 i was told i was on my own and had to stand on my own two feet and that did hurt - a lot - for a very long time; especially when other siblings left home only to return when things got difficult. I felt a little bitter to be honest that i'd never been given that help, even when i lost my first home and was homeless with two babies ages 2 and1 at the ripe old age of 21. I had to go and stay in a temporary hostel for a while until i found somewhere else to live. This is ne reason why i could never close the door on any of my children, i know how it feels to have that done to you. Again, although a hard lesson to learn and very painful one at the times, it helped me to be the person i am today who hopefully is more aware of the consequences of such actions. All we can do is our best in the end. I have a little motto that i use to try and describe my approach to parenting;
" I love being a Mam, BUT i hate it when i have to be a parent".
I don't want my kids to grow up resenting me for constantly getting at them for their choices; if they're going to put their hand in the fire then i'm clearly going to take immediate(loud?) action to stop them but should i treat their opinions and/or choices as invalid if they don't match mine? I think not. Sometimes i can hear myself sounding like my mum and then i usually know that it's time to back off. My mum was parenting in a different era where the old 'children should be seen and not heard' ethics were still around. i'm sure that she did her best but i know that i don't want my kids to feel about me the same way that i felt about my mum for a long number of years. The ask/tell once then lash out at them scool of thought isn't one i've ever wanted to use in my own home. Do any other mums have the same experiences? I'd love to Know. Also, another thought. Is it possible to take a kid out of school and homeschool them while letting them to work towards qualifications of their own choice? Do you need any kind of experience or qualifications yourself in order to homeschool you kids? Anybody out there got any suggestions? They'd be greatly appreciated! Until next time...........................