Time for sleep..... apparently!

After all the excitement of yesterday, staying up late to halp J and do this i overslept a bit this morning. It's at times like this that i often wish that my kids were homeschooled. I hate hurrying them to get ready when they're clearly tired, they must be 'cos i know i am! I've often thought about it but my biggest fear is that i wouldn't be able t teach them all they need to know in this age of technology and computers. At the ripe old age of 41 i've finally plucked up the courage to try the world inside the screen. If my kids only had me to teach them then we wouldn't even have the flipping thing! (even though i have to admit to enjoying parts of this- blogger for one!) We're always being told that we need this or that and our kids're deprived if we don't provide it for them. Try telling your (then) 3 year old that she can't have the Bratz super duper delux pop princess fairy compound for the one off budget price of your soul plus the years food budget! Not good i can assure you!
So , what do we do? Make them 'suffer' the trauma of being the odd one out or sell your soul to the catalogue companies for the next decade? What choice is that? One guarenteed to make us feel bad that's for certain! I don't want my kids to miss out, i want them to be happy, safe, loved, educated, compassionate and much much more BUT i'm afraid that sometimes their happiness will have to be achieved whilst learning to accept the word 'no'. in this real world i AM a single parent living on disability benefits. This wasn't a lifestyle choice, i was married but when i damaged my spine, my husband crumbled under the pressure of caring for me and the kids through a very difficult time. He isn't a bad man, although he is a weak one, he didn't intend to leave us but his journey clearly took a different pathway from ours at that point in our lives. Looking back i'm glad now that he went when he did, i don't want to be responsible for his sadness as he was diagnosed bi-polar around this time, at the time i was not overjoyed to say the least! This leaves me being the 'mean' mum more frequently than i'd like but that's life. I don't know that home ed would make this less or more of a problem but i can't help but think that less peer pressure would mean less materialistic? It's a tough situation that i'd love some enlightenment on.
There was a point to this, and it does actually connect to sleep too! i had a really hard time getting up today and after doing some housework and spending an hour with Gilbert, my friend who brings my eggs round every monday, chatting and drinking tea as soon as he left i promptly fell asleep for nearly 3 hours only waking when my eldest son rang me to find out why i wasn't at the train station to meet him. The thing i thought was this:- if i needed sleep that badly then how tired must the kids've been in school today? They didn't have the chance to sleep today then i get crabby when they're whiney and horrible, is that fair? I think not. So i'm having a dilema -again.
Now they're tired and want to go to bed, when they're tired they're clingy, when they're clingy they want me to go to bed with them so now i can't finish the things i wanted to do today as they need to go and can't without mam. Which brings me to this...........
I'm away to bed now with my cherubic babies who need their mama in bed 'cos they're shattered and didn't get a chance to sleep today like mammy which means i'll have to lie awake being eaten by my conscience for sleeping half the day away. With that, goodnight.......................

Comments

Ariad said…
OMG...After yesterday's effort no wonder you slept! I've got the co-sleeping thing happening too and as nice as it to cuddle them all it would be nice sometimes not to be hanging off the matress half the night.

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